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He's nothing short of a full-fledged industry.

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"Oh, hello there! Is this Bruce?"

"Yes, it is."

"Oh-ho-ho-ho! Good morning, Bruce!"

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"It's a great show!" says Barney. "We've got a starfish in it that sings just like Elvis Presley! We have penguins and a big elephant, and I ice skate right on the stage! And hopefully not off the stage. Oh-ho-ho-ho, that would hurt!

"We have monkeys," he adds, "and some new songs, which is fun! And let me just say that there's a surprise at the end!"

The Barney phenomenon started in 1987, when former Texas schoolteacher Sheryl Leach was stuck in traffic one day and began thinking of better-quality home videos for her two-year-old. Joined by another ex-teacher and a producer, she put together the first Barney video. That video found its way into the hands of a four-year-old Connecticut girl, Leora Rifkin, whose father Larry, a public television executive, noticed her fascination with Barney. The rest, as they say, is history.

What did Barney do before that? Pretty much everything, he says, and not much of anything. "Waiting for someone to discover me," he says, "you know, like any good Hollywood talent! Not a lot of parts for a big, purple dinosaur!

"(But after) 200 million years," he adds, "you kind of become good at everything! Oh, sure! Eating, especially! Peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches and lots of fruit and veggies! That's why I've been around so long!"

Along the way, the massive and soft Tyrannosaurus rex, has made countless little friends who have asked him countless more questions: How old is he? Can he come over to their house sometime? Can they give him a hug? How big is his bed?

His bed is big enough to hold him, he tells them, but the question raises other questions, ones that might best be approached in a circuitous fashion. You know: beds, companions, extinctions, loneliness. That sort of thing.

"You might be wondering why I'm still around," he says, and, given that every other dinosaur is now, at best, only reconstructed fossil in a museum somewhere, it's hard not to wonder. "It's my love!" he explains. "All the other T. rexs didn't love as much as I did, so they weren't spared!

At least that could be it, he adds. "It's a theory I'm working on."

But getting back to the bed, what does the sole surviving member of an extinct species do for, ahem, companionship? "I have so many friends!" he says. "I have friends all over the world!"

OK, but what about more intimate, physical contact?

"Oh, we do a bunch of hospital visits! Is that what you mean?"

No, I'm talking about S-E-triple-X.

"I'm not familiar with that one."

But there are no other Barneys and Barneyettes.

"Oh, I know! Isn't that great? I'm the one-and-only! I'm an original!"

He's an original, all right, and one of the first in the last decade or so to offer lily-white values to pre-school television viewers. A 1994 study done out of Yale University's Family Television Research and Consultation Center described Barney & Friends as "nearly a model of what a pre-school program should be," while his read-along Barney's Color Train books won a National Parenting Publications Award.

"Anything that kids can learn from, and learn to love each other and learn to be good and share," he says, "is good."

Notwithstanding a bang-up impersonation he does of Regis Philbin, Barney is as inoffensive as white bread, and, if the insights he offers over the phone are any indication, the "real" Barney is an exact match of the one on stage. He likes to read ("All the classics!" he says. "Alice In Wonderland -- that's a good one!"), and even found time to watch baseball's World Series this year ("I cheered for both teams!"). He doesn't, by his own admission, read the newspaper, or keep up on world events. "But I know a lot about other things! I could tell you how to brush your teeth and how to get ready for bed!"

After two million years, Barney seems to have found his niche -- travelling around the world and making little children happy. Even the hectic touring schedule doesn't bring him down.

Do you have a favourite hotel chain?

"No, not at all!"

Let me guess: you love them all?

"Oh, how did you guess? You're on to me!"

Barney performs at 7 p.m. tomorrow and Wednesday at the Corel Centre. Tickets range from $14 to $40, plus surcharges, and are available at the Corel Centre box office, online at www.capitaltickets.ca, or by calling 599-3267.